Ginevra and Daniela Vertemanti (Gine & Verte) managed to become mothers after a long and difficult process involving them in several fertility treatments and in which they felt the lack of forums to find out in detail about the technical possibilities and opinions regarding these treatments. For this reason, now happy with their daughter, this Italian couple has decided to open a blog to respond to all the questions and doubts they had at the time. Here they explain to us the process they went through and their desire to help other homosexual couples.
What led you to start a blog to tell your story?
We remember nights spent searching the Net, disappointment at the lack of information, discouragement and loneliness about not being able to share this struggle with anyone … In Italy there is a great deal of mystery, legislative loopholes and neglect around in vitro fertilisation (IVF). We were seeking a site to get information quickly and easily and we never found anything like that, and so MammaLesbica came into being, a blog entirely dedicated to women who, like us, have to resort to assisted reproduction to be mothers.
What doubts did you have before facing assisted reproduction?
There have been many. The first was to choose which of the two would carry the pregnancy. Then we wondered about everything: how much does it really cost and how long does the treatment last? How many treatments will we be able to afford if it goes wrong? Will we be able to combine it with work? How will the family take it? How will my body react? Will we as a couple withstand the difficulties? Then, when starting treatment, lots more doubts arose. For this reason we are working on the first comprehensive IVF guidelines in Italy in order to answer all these questions and lots more.
How do you judge your experience of assisted reproduction?
It is a flood of emotions, both positive and negative, and in particular, lots of awareness. Undertaking treatment abroad means having extra worries because you neither have physical support in Italy, nor in your language and this generates disquiet. Also, you don’t always manage to find a gynaecologist who is an expert in the field, who is willing to collaborate with a foreign clinic and assume the responsibilities of an external treatment.
Do you have good memories of this journey?
As regards the purely physiological, we cannot say it has been a nice experience because we have been through three artificial inseminations and two IVF. However, by putting yourself physically and emotionally to the test you can only come out stronger. Those who hit rock bottom once more find the strength within themselves to stand up again and start afresh. And this is what happened to us. Such a struggle has strengthened our relationship and maturity as women, partners and mothers. We have learned that the heart always beats mind.
What would you say to a female couple who are hesitating about whether to resort to sperm donation?
Do not let fear override your desire for motherhood. The technique allows you to face this process calmly. Perhaps the biggest problem is the financial and emotional part, so it is important to be able to rely on a clinic that is also specialised in the human aspect. We would also say not to have any regrets about the simple fact of resorting to an unnatural method of reproduction: the family is born of love and togetherness, and this is the greatest act of love anyone can do.
Have you figured out how you will explain to your child how she was conceived?
We will try to make her understand how much we wanted her before she has her first questions and to know how much she was loved before coming into the world. We will also tell her how, when and why we sought to have her with the sincerity and simplicity that a child deserves.
Have you found yourself in a similar situation? Join in and share your experience with us! You can also follow us on our social media communities.