“Believe in it!!! Fight to the end and trust your doctors and their team”
How old are you? Could you introduce yourself?
My name is Charlène, I am 37 years old and I have a daughter, born thanks to IVF after a 5-year wait. Her father is 43 years old. He has another child aged 11, born of a previous union.
What does it feel like when pregnancy doesn’t occur?
One feels useless … and lonely, terribly lonely … different. It was a very difficult period for me, and it is still a very bad memory…
At that time, did you think of leaving your husband?
Of course! More than once … and, in fact, I did! I felt incredibly bad for not being able to give him a baby … What I wanted when I broke up with him was to give him back his zest for life … He did everything and more for me to get back with him … He showed me on more than one occasion that despite everything, he loved me…
When did you realize that something was wrong?
In fact, I soon had the impression that something wasn’t working. I couldn’t explain why, but after a year of trying, I began to ask myself some questions. I went to the clinic after 18 months. They did all the normal tests and they also prescribed a seminogram for my husband, which had a positive result…
What did you feel when they announced the diagnosis?
Absolute disbelief! He already had a child! So did that mean we weren’t compatible? I cried a lot, but we stayed together and we promised not to end the relationship because of this … I felt I had the strength to fight on. We continued trying to have a baby naturally for two more years, and in the meantime we took the opportunity to get married, although afterwards we went back to the clinic.
What happened next?
It was suggested that we undergo conjugal artificial insemination (AIH). We did four in a row, after which, on seeing the negative results, the medical team recommended IVF.
Did you need some time to reflect before embarking on the IVF process? Did it frighten you?
Yes! I was thinking it over for… let’s say … half a day … What frightened me was not having children with the man I loved. I wanted to start a family, so it didn’t take me long to think it over. If we had to go through an IVF, we would do an IVF; the important thing was not how this baby would be conceived, but the common desire we both had to see it come to birth and grow up…
How did the treatment go?
Not too well … The first IVF didn’t work … It was a real drama … I thought I had lost everything … But I quickly got up again, gathered strength and energy and in no time was ready for a second attempt.
Who gave you support throughout this test?
First of all, my husband, who knew how to support me by taking the time to listen to me and to dry my tears. I also consulted a psychotherapist, so that I could give a name to my woes, which for me was a real breath of fresh air.
What was your reaction to seeing that the second IVF had worked?
It may sound strange to say it, but I couldn’t believe it! We used to tell ourselves that it was the same bad dream we had already been through twenty times, and that we would end up waking ourselves out of it … But when the days go by and you notice how your body changes, then you begin to believe it for real, although it’s tough and prolonged. For a long time I was in a state of disbelief, on constant alert, in order to protect myself from bad news … Until the first ultrasound, which was a very, very emotional moment, and I cried a lot … I let it all out: all these years of waiting, of expectation, of believing…
What would you like to tell couples who go for Assisted Reproduction?
Believe in it!!! Fight to the end and trust your doctors and their team because what awaits you at the end of the procedure is worth all the sacrifices and all the tears shed; afterwards, there is a whole life of happiness … When you have your child in your arms, you will quickly forget what the conception was like … The important thing is that your baby is there, in your life, and to see her grow day by day is the greatest reward that can exist…